Tangled Webs, Full Contact Golf and Disgusting Things

November 12, 2016

Last year we told our grandson that the reason we  shop for presents for his mother and our youngest daughter was because Santa doesn’t bring presents for adults. You see, sometimes we have to think fast to explain various things. One such time we told him he couldn’t shake his presents because Santa had elves in there finishing up.  We explained that the elves were capable of shrinking to fit into even the tiniest of boxes, and that Santa would pick them up on Christmas Eve. For a while this led to him knocking gently on the boxes and talking to them. This was okay, but got a little weird when we had company.

This year he decided to come shopping with us to “help us out”. We were going to another city to do our shopping, and on the way there we sang such classics as “Booger Man is Coming to Town”, U-G-L-Y…”you ain’t got no alibi, you’re ugly!” and “T-G-B-O, you’re grandpa!” Singing ended when Grandpa threatened to make Shane a booger milk shake. It was a veritable love fest.
I also discovered that “grandpa” had decided to visit an arcade park, with go karts and miniature golf.  First up was golf.  Shane was enthusiastic, but completely new to the game. And he still IS.  Because I don’t know what game he was playing, but it wasn’t golf.  It started out normal enough, with the exception of him holding his club like a garden hoe. Around the second or third hole I looked over at Shane and nudged my husband.  He was nonchalantly kicking his ball into the hole. Then things took a turn for the worse.  There was ball stealing, body blocking and at some point he began playing hockey and scooting his ball into the hole…FROM THE FIRST HIT.  Somehow we managed to finish our game, and headed off to the go karts. Surprisingly, this went very well.  Then off to shopping!

At the first store John saw a pretty Christmas sign that we decided to get.  This made Shane bitter because he had already spotted a Nativity sign that he liked.  After insisting that “Jesus likes this one better”, we got the sign for him to put in his room.
It was at this store that I found the perfect blanket to match our new comforter set.  Then this psychotic woman took it out of my cart and said “Oohhhh that looks so soft” and proceeded to freakin’ molest my blanket…right there in front of me!!  Who the hell does that??

At the second store we were roaming around the clearance aisle, when Shane picked up a Santa and it’s head fell off.  The look of sheer horror on his face was priceless. I assured him that it was already broken (it was), and that Santa wouldn’t be mad.

Shopping at the third store was a breeze.  Exhausted, we finished up our shopping, packed it up and headed home.  However, next time we’re sending Shane to help the elves.


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