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THE END IS NEAR

December 13, 2012

Okay, I’m fibbing, it isn’t-not as far as I know anyway.  But now that I have your attention….HEY there! 

I was sitting here attempting to find something to write about and finally settled on (drum roll) Things That Irritate Me This Christmas Season…

Now some things don’t pertain to the Christmas Season, but who cares?  It’s my blog and I can write how I want and only an anal retentive ass would point such a thing out anyway.  Wait, does that make me an anal retentive ass for noticing??  Pffft…on with the list.

1. I hate when a perfectly executed plan goes wrong.  I was shopping the other day and saw that these little musical gift card holders just cost a penny, so I bought a Santa Claus one for Shane.  When I got home I walked up to Jessica and said, “I’m about to give Shane something that will make you wish you were another mother, in a different house, far, far away.”  And I showed it to her.  I lifted Santa’s hat and it played the ENTIRE song of Santa Claus is Coming to Town.  Her only response was “Gee, thanks Mom.”  Now for the bad part- It’s so loud I can hear it all the way downstairs when I’m trying to watch television.  AGHHH  What the hell was I thinking??

 

2. I hate when my male blogger friends post pictures of scantily clad women.   Let me put it to you this way.  Let’s say someone, NOT ME, felt good about themselves on a certain day, and they’re browsing through their links and suddenly there’s this picture of a woman in a bikini on the beach.  And this person feels horrified, realizing that they will never look that way in a bikini again…never…EVER.  In fact, if this person who wasn’t me were to stuff their fat ass in a bikini and stroll along the beach, a barrage of 911 calls would be made about a container of cottage cheese with some hair stuck to it, rolling along the beach.  THAT is something no one wants to see…my condolences to that person.

 

3. PEOPLE THAT CUT ME OFF WITH THEIR SHOPPING CARTS AND THEN STOP AND BEGIN A WHOLE FREAKIN’ CONVERSATION WITH THE ASSHAT NEXT TO THEM.  I will kill you.  You will die a slow and painful death with many medieval torture devices, you inconsiderate POS!  whew…heh

 

4. I despise grouchy clerks in stores!!!!  Whatever it is that made you mad, I didn’t do it!  Go be grouchy at the dimwits in #3.

 

5. What really irritates me though is wrapping presents.  Ughhh  And my lack of enjoyment shows up in my wrapping skills.  Why do we have to wrap things?  Can’t we just buy the boxes with pictures on it and leave it at that?  Gift bags are wonderful, but 20 of them under a tree doesn’t look so good.  But then again, neither do packages that are misshapen, taped with duct tape and folded in odd places.  And you can forget about the fru-fru bows and name tags, I just get out the handy permanent marker and write names on the bottom of the present…I’m not kidding.

 

Now I have to go off and get cheery before I write my annual Christmas letter.  Bah

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8 comments

  1. Penny, this is why I loveyou. Hahaha!


  2. 🙂 And I luvs ya back. I was in a goofy mood. lol


  3. I think they post those photos because most of them suffer from delusions of grandeur. These girls are their standards for what women should look like, yet they don’t have to meet those same standards themselves. “I wish mah old lady looked like Heidi Klum” he said as he coated a harp seal with bacon grease and swallowed it like an aspirin. Even more amusing is the enthusiasm of the men who comment on such photos – who are apparently too damn lazy to Google “girls with big bewbs” on their own, and travel from site to site for their cleavage fix. Personally, I don’t think your “friend” should give it a second thought.

    Old people in the supermarket with their shopping carts at a 45º angle, so you can’t move past them. Drives me insane. Tuesdays should be the mandatory senior citizen shopping day, Tuesdays, no other day. I also believe that there should be one window in every bank specifically for the ancients. There they can cash their Social Security checks with no I.D., pull out photos of their grandchildren, and wax poetic about their vacation trailer in Boca Raton.

    As for your problem with wrapping gifts – I think you use up all of your patience at Halloween.


  4. I laugh when I see pictures of shirtless man-babes. half the time it is a photo pf me, the other times it is a mere pitiful wanna-be copy of my perfection.


  5. Mrs. C, what really bothers me is the way that the media portrays women. I was attempting to watch a show last night and in the first half hour they had one woman as the “sexy nurse” another was a prostitute and half dressed and the third was having sex in an alley with her boyfriend. It REALLY ticked me off and I just couldn’t watch it anymore. Ughh
    And I think your idea about Tuesdays is brilliant! Then everyone can stay off the road and makes plans to stay at home that day, except for the tourists and out of town visitors who will think that traffic is backed up because there’s a parade going on. lol

    Joe, lol, yeah…yeah…yeah


  6. Yeah, it’s why I don’t watch a whole lot of TV. Harrison Ford movies – he’s in his 60s – yet his movie wives are barely 30. Please, no woman in her right mind would marry a man one exit from Viagraville. I remember a Linda Ellerbee interview, she was talking about a news exec who told her to lose weight and ditch her eyeglasses, or lose her job. Can you imagine anyone saying that to Walter Cronkite? Then we have celebs and models in print with half of their bodies airbrushed away – it’s why men have such idiotic, unrealistic views of women. And what’s even more twisted are the women who buy into it by packing their bodies with bags of silicone and entering their toddlers in beauty contests. My biggest pet peeve are the Olympic women runners and volleyball players who compete in bikinis. If that’s what is takes to get spectators to your events, you’ve trained really hard for nothing. i leaf through my collection of vintage magazines from the 50s and 60s, and think – nothing has changed.


    • It’s a shame. There are a lot of girls that take that body image thing seriously, most, I should say. Your point about the Harrison Ford movie reminds me of Hugh Hefner getting engaged to that girl. Everybody knows what most likely is going on there….puhlease. And I’ve thought the same thing about women athletes. Things haven’t changed at all.


  7. They have more in common than you think – she’s 26, and Hef was born in 1926 – a match made in heaven! Although, he’ll probably forget he was married in a week. Do you think she has to staple the pre-nup to the headboard to get through sex?



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