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I Got Screwed At The Holiday Inn (repost from way back)

June 30, 2010

I always said that if I were ever to write a book about my life, they would have to put in the fiction section, because no one would believe it. I’ve also said that I’m living the Chinese curse, “May you live in interesting times”. I offer up my birthday dinner experience as proof.
7:00 pm Mr. Dragon and I leave to go to CVS, and then on to dinner at the Italian Restaurant, in the Holiday Inn.
7:15 We leave CVS and head for the restaurant.
7:30 pm Mr. Dragon and I arrive, and are immediately seated. We thought this was a good sign. We were wrong.
7:35 Our waiter takes our drink orders and stammers through some kind of greeting. Apparently he likes to say “night” a lot. I mildly harass him and say something like, “You mean TONIGHT?, THIS VERY EVENING?” heh
Sometime around 8:00pm I’m on my second carafe of coffee and our appetizer hasn’t arrived yet. I start to get the sneaking feeling that this might suck…hard. I notice our waiter does this weird little dance thing EVERY time he walks away. It reminds me of the “stick out your tush” dance from Blazing Saddles.
There is also a bar on the other side of the hotel and every once in a while a random drunk would come stumbling through.
Eventually I stopped looking at my watch. Time had lost all meaning to me.
One of my criminal justice classmates (Anthony) walked by and I was telling Mr. Dragon he was like our class clown, and how one day he kept saying he was going to punch these one kids in the throat (this comes into play later).
Our appetizer finally arrives and when we’re about half way through it, rap music starts blaring from one of the rental rooms right beside it. It’s so loud that Mr. Dragon and I can barely hear each other. Occasionally our waiter zips by and gives us the “oh my God I’m busy” look. Finally he comes over and asks how everything is. I say, “It sucks”, and complain about the music. He moves us to another table and disappears. At this table we can hear the piped in music…80s hell. My coffee carafe is empty. The Bangles song, “Walk Like An Egyptian” starts up. Mr. Dragon, trying to be cute, started singing, “Walk Like A Musician”. I pointed over at our waiter and said, “He needs to walk like a f*cking waiter and get my coffee.” This sent Mr. Dragon and I into a giggling fit.
Just then a heifer/woman walked up to the hostess station, a rowdy kid in tow. Suddenly she turned around and threatened to punch him in the face. Without missing a beat I said, “That must be Anthony’s mother”. And we got the giggles again.
Our dinner still hadn’t arrived yet so I went out to have a cigarette, while Mr. Dragon played a bowling game on his cell phone.
While I was outside a couple, who had just left the restaurant came out and started talking to me. They said the chef had walked out and they were just glad they got their dinner first. Oh HELL NO! I put out my cigarette and went back inside.
Eventually our food came. I wasn’t sure who’d finished for the chef, I didn’t even want to know, I was just glad it was there because I was hungry. As the waiter passed my food to me from ACROSS the table, he said, “Watch out, the plate is hot”. THANK YOU asshole! I think it was some kind of cruel joke, the plate was the only thing that was hot. We did NOT stay for dessert.

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5 comments

  1. OMG, I am sitting over here just rolling! I don’t remember that post but it is HILARIOUS! Great title for a book, and the content is, of course, entertaining. (Didn’t know you had your own critic, did you?) Question: Did you ever go back? LOL.


  2. LOL…It certainly was an experience, and no, we’ve never been back. I was afraid they’d have the cleaning staff attempting to cook next.

    It’s funny you mention a book, I was telling John I should pull together some of my funnier posts (geriatric jeopardy, tourettes jeopardy, dating dragon) and make it into a book. AND I think I’m going to publish the zombie book through Amazon.
    As for being a critic, critique away, I value your input, always have. 🙂


  3. I would buy the book(s). The first one would be hysterically funny and you know I love the Zombie Chronicles!

    Right back at ya about the value of YOUR input! 🙂


  4. Thank you, and I really, really need to finish book II and get it over with. I already know how it’s going to end, I just need to fill in the parts.


  5. Ok, get crackin’, Dragon!



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